Thoughts....

So I've been thinking.... why is it that as women particularly... we constantly belittle ourselves? why is it that if we don't look like like a superficial barbie doll, if we dont look the like the way too skinny, air brushed toothpicks plastering themselves all over the media... we don't think we are good enough? guess what... THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT EITHER!!! so why to we want to look like them? if we all looked like that this would be sad, boring, pathetic world full of walking toothpicks who are totally unsure of themselves. what kind of world would that be? a crappy one for sure!! why is it in our nature to only see what we don't like. why is that we don't think we are good enough for some guy? & what makes him better than us? & why is is ok for others to confirm that? who gave some other imperfect girl the right to tell someone that the boy they like it sooo out of their league & they will never be good enough. its ridiculous! and totally unacceptable! why cant we all just believe the TRUTH? WE AS WOMAN ARE BEAUTIFUL! WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! why do we tear each other down to make ourselves feel better? why does making someone else feel like dirt seem to make others happy & feel good about themselves. being a jerk DOES NOT make you superior to anyone else! how can that make anyone feel good. when i'm totally being a jerk & make someone feel bad...even if i didnt mean to, i feel sick to my stomach & want to go make them cookies to apologize. I cant fathom how some woman find joy in tearing others down. we are ALL good enough. there is no one "out of our league" cuz there are NO leagues! who is to say who is in what league? who decides this? its just another one of Satan's sick twisted tricks on society so we believe the worst of ourselves. so we cant see the good within because we are so consumed with our imperfections of our body. The BEAUTIFUL body that God gave us. one of his most precious gifts to us... and because of Satan's hold on the world we are told to believe that what God himself CREATED FOR US is not good enough! well that's bogus! God DOES NOT make mistakes! He created out bodies individually for us.... the way He needed them to be FOR us! He had our best interest at heart when he created us. we all just need to believe that WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! EACH & EVERY ONE OF US! cuz guess what...its the absolute truth! & I am going to tell you what i KNOW about me! 
1) I AM GOOD ENOUGH!
2) I am Beautiful!
3) I am here on earth for a purpose!.
4) I AM NOT AN ACCIDENT.
5) I am a special daughter of God!
6) I am unique.
7) I have the ability to do GREAT things with my life!
8) I will not let anyone else define me! that is MY job! 
9) I belive in myself! it doesn't matter what other people think & say... it matters what I think! 
10) I am a good person. 
11) I am capable of making good decisions for myself that will affect my life!
12) I am Smart.
13) I am grounded in the Gospel!
14) I have a strong testimony! 
15) I am an individual. 
16) I am most comfortable on a horse on the roof of my house!
17) I am a cowgirl at heart. 
18) I AM WORTH IT! 


    Am i conceited? NO WAY!
    Am i learning who i am & how to love myself? DEFINITELY!

Am I a goober? 

OF COURSE!

Did i successfully Graduate High School?
 

INDEED!

Do I love & look up to my sisters?

very much so!

Am I happy?

Absolutely!

Am I Beautiful?

MOST DEFINITELY!!

Am I good enough? Am I worth it?

He KNOWS I am. & I trust Him! :)
So the answer is a resounding YES! :)

Well, those are my thoughts for now. thanks for reading! :) 

Peace :)

Happy Late Birthday Mom!!

I love you Mom!! Happy SUPER late birthday!! :)

Broken :(

Well... i am broken. im broken bad. My collar bone... yea its in pieces... no biggie... i just tried to be cool like Robbie Jensen... i felt like i had something to prove... see Robbie has this awesome ability to do anything perfectly the first time he tries... for example.... riding a ripstick. it took me WEEKS to be able to ride that thing around and not crash. it took me weeks til i could go up & down hills (smallish ones) dodge kids and toys and turn in circles... pretty much it took me weeks to awesome & gain my sweet ripstick skills. well... not Robbie. He jumps on it with a little instruction from me and BOOM instantly hes riding around like a PRO!! Hes doing in mere moments what took me weeks! Well, the 2nd time Robbie hopped on my ripstick he goes down the big black hill of death. which is a very big steep hill in the court that leads to to others. & Robbie just flies down it with no problem hopped off at the grass & did it several more times... well I just couldnt have Robbie steal my thunder... thats just not acceptable...so it was up to me to prove that after about 2 months of riding i could do anything he could do & i could do it better!! So i had decided... the time had come. I had thought about going down this Hill before but was just building up my courage. Well after Robbies little stunt i knew i needed to do it & soon, So I talked to Chris & said i wanted to go down it. well he had this ingenius idea to "wait til tomorrow & ill record it so we can send it to funniest home videos & youtube when you biff it" well i wonder if he is a psychic. he could probly make good money being one. anyways, i wait til tomorrow evening. its around 7pm. well Chris isnt around. & i wanna do it. So, i grab my camera & ask my friend Sarah (Robbies wife) to record it for me. & she did. enjoy this video of my pain.

Well, obviously,  i do it. i go (more like fly i was going so fast) down that hill. well ya see ripsticks dont have breaks.so how i usually get off is by steering into the grass & hop off. well at that speed there was NO time to just hop off... i hit the grass& went flying. landed right on my shoulder heard a snap and did a flip or 2. then didnt move.  until Sarah walked down the hill to see if im ok. i sit up & Sarah  gets down to me & can tell im trying really hard not to cry & our conversation goes like this...
Sarah: are you ok?
me: i dont know
Sarah: do i need to go get Chris?
me: i dont know


Sarah: are you ok?
me: i dont know
Sarah: do i need to go get Chris?
me: i dont know
Sarah: im gonna go get Chris.


So she leaves to go get my big brother. & the next thing i know i see Essie bookin' it down the hill towards me. & She being her awesome self is a athletic trainer in sports injuries or something like that.... so she checks out my shoulder. well Holly walks down with Henry a few seconds later. She also checks it out being a massage therapist & knowing about the body & whatnot. They conclude that they think it is most likely broken. So Essie & Holly put me in a sling they made out of a blanket, gimme some ice & a 800mg ibprofen. about a half hour later Chris gets home & takes me to the doctor. well its definitely VERY broken... it now looks like this...

My X-Ray :)

So after we leave the doctors,  we go to smiths & get my prescriptions for my pain meds filled :) yay! :) & so i go & show Essie, Sarah, Kate, & Lorie the x-ray. Yea Sarah just laughs at me. and then laughs some more. She fond it very amusing that i broke my collar bone in half. Glad i could make your day Sarah. haha... :)


So it was decided that i was to return to Shelley for surgery & to recover. So I left the beautiful Salt Lake, my family, the friends i had made, and my job. it wasnt all bad tho. yea i missed them... but all i can say is im glad i live in the 21st century with skype, email, facebook, phone calls, and texting. so keeping contact was pretty easy. :) Shelley is a sweet little town. :) it was nice & a little weird being back. but it was fun being back & seeing everyone. :) i came home on a wednesday. had a appointment with Docto Biddulph on Monday. and went into surgery on thursday. i had made my decision to go with surgery and felt good about it. i just had a feeling i needed to do it, and well i was right. it was the right decision for me because my muscle was trying to cause problems for me. my muscle had placed itself in between the two pieces of my bone. had i not had surgery it wouldve caused an even bigger problem for me. so its a good thing i know how to listen. :)   but just because i felt good about it doesnt mean i wasnt scared. it was my first one & as i was being prepared for it... yea i was nervous...VERY nervous. as they were about to wheel me off on the gurney, after stabbing me with needles & drawing on my body & putting me in a funky gown, hairnet & weird socks, & everything else they did... i was about to say NEVERMIND! it was kinda scary for me. but i survived. :) and i have survived the following weeks... although a bit unhappily. grrrr i have not been allowed to do ANYTHING!!! it been driving me CRAZY! i cant ride horses, my ripstick, i cant climb, run, jump on the tramp, i cant do ANYTHING that involves physical contact or the possibility of me falling. which has been VERY hard for me. but im down to 1 week from today :) whoo whoo!! in 1 week i can ride horses again. in 1 week i can ride my ripstick again. :) yea-ya!! :) anyways... thats been my adventures of my first broken bone! haha i dont think im gonna break anything else... i wouldnt call it fun... haha but i do have a wicked cool scar!! & you can the screws though my skin... yea its a gross cool!! haha


on a side note.... if you want to make your mom & doctor mad at you... ride a ripstick 6 days after surgery that was performed to fix a bone that was broken because of a ripstick... they both get quite angry... just sayin....


Peace :)

4th of July weekend :)

Well... my adventure started on the 1st of July. The morning of I got the awesomely fun chance to babysit for Sarah & Robbie Jensen. I watched their 2 adorable little boys, Kyson & Kaemon. They are 2 of my favorite little kids!! We had lots of fun! They are so sweet & funny! Kyson amazes me, he is such a genius! He can read... & he is 4... Oh yea.. and he could read since he was 3 no big deal hes only a super genius..... & not only that, but Sarah & Robbie didnt teach him how... he picked some of it up off of PBS Kids but mostly just taught himself! He is INCREDIBLE!! & Kaemon is sooo cute! I LOVE his hugs!! He is such a sweetheart!!  The Jensens are such a great family & Im super glad that they like me :)

After I left the Jensens, I went home (obviously), & Chirs, Holly, Talie, Henry & I left soon after... we were on our way!! whoo whoo. we arived in Logan where Hollys mom lives and spend some time there. We just kinda chilled and made food. Im not gonna lie... dinner kinda scared me... but it was DELICIOUS!!! some pretty AMAZING food there :) after that we headed over to the USU Stadium of Fire for concerts & fireworks. it was a pretty fabulous show!! :) The Diamond Rio played, and there were random other people, and dancers, and a choir. It was pretty sweet.

Henry & I waiting for the show to begin in the blazing hot sun...

yea... he doesnt look to happy... it was REALLY hott!!

Holly :)

Talie.... She looks like a little movie star :) 

I pretty much have the cutest nephew of all time. 

Eating a cookie & watchin the show :) 

it was a pretty good cookie :) 

This next picture is proof of one of the MANY reasons I LOVE my CRAZY AWESOME family!! :) yea.. my family is my FAVORITE!! <3

Holly & Talie doing the "Lion" face... :)

The "Lion" face they are making is from a 80s face work out video we frequently mock. Its pretty funny cuz the lady doing it is so serious about it... how she keeps from laughing is beyond me... & the outfit she chooses to wear for giving her face a workout... well wow... haha... Ill share it with you... :)

well... i bet now you can see why we make fun of it so much... & this is actually legit..weird... im glad im a 90s kid... from the looks of this... the 80s were VERY strange times...

Holly & Henry watchin the awesome fireworks.

this Video is of some of the dancers at the celebration... it was pretty cool... all of them are ages 50 and up... it would be cool if my mom did something like that... :) anyways... it was pretty fabulous :)

Anyways, the fireworks were AWESOME!! they were set to music... yea no biggie they just played one of my favorite songs... yea it was pretty darn cool!! :) & this was the song they played :)

O America By: Celtic Woman

After the show we were on the road... to SHELLEY!!!! and of course NO ONE knew i was coming... well except for Chris & Holly... cuz well it would be impossible for them not to know cuz they were my ride there. so.. I snuck into my house at 2 am (thats when we got there) Mom was sleeping on the tramp with Lainee (my niece) & i slept on the couch downstairs. well I woke up about 9:30 & grabbed my stuff & snuck into the  bathroom & got a prettied up so i didnt look like a gross dead zombie. well i heard her talking in the hall to Dave & annette who had just arrived... so what do i do... i quickly turn on the shower so she wouldnt walk in or suspect anything. well after im all ready i walk into my kitchen to find my mom there cutting watermelon. So i say, "Hey Mom, can I borrow your car?" she turns and sees me and gives me a huge hug! slaps my butt really hard and then points a big sharp knife in my face and says "what are you doing here?" so I explain that i really didnmt hav eto work & wanted to surprise here. well about 2 mins after i see my mom she says "so are you gonna go wake up Melanie?" yea she missed me alright... missed me so much she sends me out thte door right after i see her... hmmm haha. well then we pretty much just partied. i saw a lot of my friends & it was AWESOME!! ahem.. DOG!!!!! hahaha that was for you Lydia :) bahaha
one of the mostr memorable moments well hour or so was trimming the trees and  the killing of the ant pile. It was pretty awesome.

On the Roof Chris & Talie & me (not pictured Dave)

Chris & Dave on the roof trimming Moms Trees :) 

 Also... my family are Ant Killers. haha. we were gonna hang some sky chairs from our tree... except the branch was rotting and gross... and on the inside was lots of nasty ants & larva which my family decided needed to be killed, but not just killed... but ANNIHILATED!!

And this last video is my personal favorite. I love my brothers. Randy, you are a rockstar. :) 

All in All it was AWESOME!!! <3


Peace :) 

FHE... what an adventure :)

Well... FHE (family home evening) was tonight... and it was... how do i put it.. very... eventful. It started out normal... a thought by Liz...yummy pie and ice cream... then after a bit of water balloon volleyball with the towels tossing the balloons back and forth things got a bit... interesting... meaning... we decided to ditch the towels & have a water fight... and the cooler, bowls, red and yellow bottle squirty things that are usually used for ketchup and mustard all came out. Well, me being me... who is one of my main targets? The Bishop of course!! Well after several attacks that weren't really being retaliated... not good enough at least... one small bowl of water sooo does not count as a war... well a bit later after what I thought was just one more fruitless attack... he decided it was FINALLY time for the  war to begin... so a WAR definitely  he made it...I'm making my escape from Jeremy i think... maybe Ben.. I don't remember... who ever was my latest victim mwahahahahahaha... and the next thing i know... im tasting chocolate, seeing chocolate, and hearing laughter all around me... it took a second for me to realize what had just happened... then it hit me.... I just got a chocolate pie smashed in my face. So I do the only logical thing that a sane person would do... I bust up laughing!!! I thought it was HILARIOUS!! So yes, slightly wet one moment, the next... completely covered in chocolate pie all the way down to my toes.... yea, all over my face, arms, shirt,  pants, & my super cute new hat! So I'm looking around at everyone laughing trying to figure out who the culprit of this awesome form of retaliation was. My first thought, Jeremy. He would do that... but no..maybe Ben... yet again... NOPE. Alas, the pie thrower steps up and takes responsibility... yes, yes, you have all probably got it figured out... it was Bishop Boren who decided water wasn't good enough to fight back with. It was Bishop who had resorted to covering me with pie. it was Bishop who felt that he would take it upon himself to improve my face with a chocolate pie. So, after a picture, what do think to do, yes i wipe a small portion... there was A LOT... and smear it on his face! I wasn't gonna be the only one going home chocolate-a-fied!! He thinks we are even... ha he wishes... now I just need to devise a plan to really get him back!!! mwahahaha. All in all it was Super  Great & Totally EPIC night!!! :)

Bishop & I :)

  Peace :)

I almost died and it was AWESOME!!

ok so technically I didnt almost die but it sure felt like it. I have now decided im going to work out  A LOT more often. I just did a hard core Ripstick session. I loved it. I have improved soooo much!! I don"t crash anymore. I only get off by choice... usually jumping off to avoid a collision with a child. It was so awesome. And Im not afraid of the steep-ish hill anymore! I can go down it with ease! I am having so much fun. I have decided that one of the best feelings in the world (for me) is the feeling after you just have a fabulous work out! Ya'll know what I mean... heart pumping in your ears, the heat emanating from your skin, sweat drenching you, being short of breath from exerting so much energy,  face red from the blood rushing through you, the compleate lack of energy for a few mins then your up and ready to fight the world feeling so good and proud of yourself you could literally do anything. Yea, that feeling. I love it! I mean REALLY love it! It energizes me! So, Chris & Holly, I have finally found my hobby/passion... EXERCISE!!! And I will Definatly be doing it a ton more! Whether it be takin' my Ripstick for a spin, running, dancing,  biking.. WHATEVER... I will be exercising a lot more! 

My new motto :)

Oh and just in case Ya'll haven't figured it out... 

Peace :)

A Small Taste of Home

  Tuesday the 24th was an awesome day! It was the Shelley 2nd wards Youth Conference. On their way to the Manti Pageant they stopped in Salt Lake at Temple Square. So, of course, I booked it over there to see them! It was sooo great to see them.
As much as I love SLC, Im not gonna lie, I have kinda missed home a little bit. More the people and my cat then the town but you know what i mean. and ok Mom, ill admit it... I do miss Levi a little bit... but not that much so don't get too excited & don't tell him that. I still miss Boo WAY more! Give her a hug for me please! 
  Anyways, I got to see a lot of my friends, YW leaders, my second & third families (Starks and Kotters) and of Course my adopted parents (Glen & Ginny Russell). When I got there I was able to locate the ones I was looking for at the time.... they spit into different groups. They didnt see me tho... I booked it to them dropping my bag in the process, & in full flight to give Melanie (my best friend and sister practically) a hug, I accidently hit Bishop in the face or the arm, im not sure which... he was in my way & I needed to hug my best friend!! So, Sorry Bishop... next time dont be in between two best friends who haven't seen each other in a month! 
  Anyways, as we were eating, well,  Hilary & Dalas we eating,  Mel & I were just eating ice cream thingys... Hilary saw Russells (my adopted parents) out the window and makes a comment... well thats all it took for me to be out of my seat sprinting for the door with my ice cream cone thing sitting on the table. Next thing they know, Im flying out the door attacking them with a hug! I guess Im pretty good at that. Surprisingly, my camera didnt surface too much... just one picture of Mel & I being Goobers :)

Mel & I... yea we probly wont ever get a normal picture
Ignore the fact that my head looks deformed 

  I enjoyed seeing my "little sister" aka Maria!!! She is soo silly! She kept rambling on about some white guy who walks around Temple Square... she gone a little crazy... I  wish i had a picture of us but I forgot to take one. But her mom has one of us. yay!


  I really got a good  laugh at everyone's reactions when they saw me. Every time I was asked, " what are you doing here?" haha but I gotta say... Marsha's reaction was my favorite... our converstion was the best!
*I walked up to her* (yes i walked well kinda jogged but I didnt attack her is what I mean) and our converstion when like this:
Me: "did you miss me?"
*gave her a hug* 
Marsha: "what are you doing here?"
Me: "I liver here!"
Marsha: "at Temple Square?"


Haha it made my day! Actually just seeing everyone made my day! I wish i had more time with them all but unfourtanatly... public transportation is kinda on the slow side sometimes and they had to get going so they wouldn't be late for the pageant. But I loved seeing everyone. It gave me a small piece of home for that little while, which I am grateful for. And I promise... I DON'T live at Temple Square!!! I do have a home! :)


& just as a side note as not to confuse anyone.... Russells aren't really my adopted parents. I adopted them & they adopted me but not legally. We are just super close. Glen is just one of the 2 Father Figures in my life. & i do love him like a father... same with Ginny, Shes one of my 2nd moms...& I love them both dearly... just thought I would clarify that! 


Peace! :)

My SLC Adventures thus far :)

Well it sure has been a super aweome crazy few weeks but I am LOVING it here! It has been so much fun. Hard, but fun. Salt Lake is oh so very different than little old Shelley, but a good different. There is so much more for me to do and I love it. I can pretty much anywhere with my new mode of transportation... which I have pretty much mastered after a few times getting lost. 

My partial way of transportation 

The U of U Shuttles and the TRAX but i dont have a good picture of them... but after my few adventures ending up in random places(all of which i was able to get home eventually on my own with out help) I have the system down and can go anywhere my lil heart desires!  

So My adventures... 

Well one of the first few days of being in this awesome town i was doing what i usuaslly do and was out for the day hangin out with myself around town. I was on the TRAX by myself and had an unexpected but awesome surprise. Instead of just sitting by myself or near a strange homeless person..... this awesome blonde haired blue eyed girl who looked around my age came and sat by me. Little did I know that she would soon become one of my greatest friends. This amazing persons name is.....drumroll.... HAYLEE!!!  I had just been to the library (which is amazing btw) and so that is where she started our conversion. After talking for a while she being as observant as she is says that since i havent been here very long i probly dont have very many friends my age. oh how right she was... and gives me her number. and SHA-BAM! INSTA-FRIEND!  (I know I totally stole that from you Hay!) So I text her later that night and yea we hang out the next day. It was Awesome! We had TONS of fun! We ate yummy food at Padna Express & Subway! It was FABULOUS! Its kinda funny how alike we are... we like the same  food, we both want to be a kindergarten teacher, and we both want a bagillion kids! Anyways we go to Temple Square and watch the Joesph Smith Movie. AWESOME. Then we have some more free time so what do we do... we take a tour to the top of the Church Office Building to the look out point. The view is absolutely breathtaking!! It was so cool to see all of Salt Lake laid out in front of me. Sometimes i want to be a bird because their view is so incredible all the time.  It was a way sweet experience and im glad that we hung out. & not only that im glad that we hung out! Haylee sure is awesome besides the fact is making me fat! :) 

Haylee & I on top of the Church Office Building 

The Library.... seriously one of my favorite places... it is soooooo HUGE! Its 5 stories high and has 40 copies of pretty much every book!  I made a friend there. His name is Paul. He works there in the Children's Library in the bottom floor. we have some pretty great discussions about books!    

Draper....

So a couple Fridays ago I rode the TRAX into unfamiliar territory...and LOVED it! Draper is a smaller town south of SLC which is where my really good friend Melissa lives. So I went down to hang out with her for a while. It was super fun! We played soccer with her YSA ward followed by Popsicles and a bon fire. Then we all went bowling. It was great! i probly wouldve done better if i could actually stay on my feet.... it was Lis, Jon, & I playing in out Lane... yea Lis totally trashed us! Shes got super skills!! It was super duper fun! Melissa is seriously one of the funniest people i know... and one of the funnest to be around!! I love talking to her! She gives great advise! :) Lis was worried about sending me home in the dark, cuz ya know... all creepers and weirdos come out at night (I'm so cared about haha). So I spent the night at with her in an extra bedroom. Mike, you would be proud of me... it was completely all decked out in U of U Utes stuff....  mean bedspread, light fixtures, the works. It was pretty sweet. I was impressed! Her family are BIG fans! The following morning we went and cleaned the church... it was awesome! Then Lis took me back to the TRAX  station and i was on my home...which was a whole other adventure entirely... It was super fun tho!!  The whole time was just super fun! I met new people, made some friends, and had a blast.  If described in one word... EPIC!

Lis & I :)

Silly Faces!!

Along with all the fun Ive been having I have been endlessly been filling out applications & job searching! I am sooo glad the hunt is over! I start work on the 30th at....(DRUM ROLL).....

Im excited! Its gonna be great! :)

My last adventure of this incredibly log post is... MY RIPSTICK! 

I love my Ripstick! for those of you who dont know what is a Ripstick its a funky 2 wheeled skateboard type thing that you have to move your hips in a swivel movement to ride it. I won it at my senior all night party. Yea im pretty skilled at Plinko! :) It has definitely been an adventure learning to ride it thats for sure! I got some pretty epic battles scars on my legs! They are mostly healed though which is good. Im actully pretty good at it now. All it takes is determination not to give up - no matter how much it hurts, a desire to ride, and a couple of hard tumbles... at least for me.    

Im not going to post pictures of my actually legs... they are too horrible too gruesome! They would make ur stomach turn and scar your mind forever! Seeing those pictures would be a terrifying and traumatizing experience! And I do not wish to invoke that upon you. 

well, I think thats it for now! 

Peace :)