Thoughts....

So I've been thinking.... why is it that as women particularly... we constantly belittle ourselves? why is it that if we don't look like like a superficial barbie doll, if we dont look the like the way too skinny, air brushed toothpicks plastering themselves all over the media... we don't think we are good enough? guess what... THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT EITHER!!! so why to we want to look like them? if we all looked like that this would be sad, boring, pathetic world full of walking toothpicks who are totally unsure of themselves. what kind of world would that be? a crappy one for sure!! why is it in our nature to only see what we don't like. why is that we don't think we are good enough for some guy? & what makes him better than us? & why is is ok for others to confirm that? who gave some other imperfect girl the right to tell someone that the boy they like it sooo out of their league & they will never be good enough. its ridiculous! and totally unacceptable! why cant we all just believe the TRUTH? WE AS WOMAN ARE BEAUTIFUL! WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! why do we tear each other down to make ourselves feel better? why does making someone else feel like dirt seem to make others happy & feel good about themselves. being a jerk DOES NOT make you superior to anyone else! how can that make anyone feel good. when i'm totally being a jerk & make someone feel bad...even if i didnt mean to, i feel sick to my stomach & want to go make them cookies to apologize. I cant fathom how some woman find joy in tearing others down. we are ALL good enough. there is no one "out of our league" cuz there are NO leagues! who is to say who is in what league? who decides this? its just another one of Satan's sick twisted tricks on society so we believe the worst of ourselves. so we cant see the good within because we are so consumed with our imperfections of our body. The BEAUTIFUL body that God gave us. one of his most precious gifts to us... and because of Satan's hold on the world we are told to believe that what God himself CREATED FOR US is not good enough! well that's bogus! God DOES NOT make mistakes! He created out bodies individually for us.... the way He needed them to be FOR us! He had our best interest at heart when he created us. we all just need to believe that WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! EACH & EVERY ONE OF US! cuz guess what...its the absolute truth! & I am going to tell you what i KNOW about me! 
1) I AM GOOD ENOUGH!
2) I am Beautiful!
3) I am here on earth for a purpose!.
4) I AM NOT AN ACCIDENT.
5) I am a special daughter of God!
6) I am unique.
7) I have the ability to do GREAT things with my life!
8) I will not let anyone else define me! that is MY job! 
9) I belive in myself! it doesn't matter what other people think & say... it matters what I think! 
10) I am a good person. 
11) I am capable of making good decisions for myself that will affect my life!
12) I am Smart.
13) I am grounded in the Gospel!
14) I have a strong testimony! 
15) I am an individual. 
16) I am most comfortable on a horse on the roof of my house!
17) I am a cowgirl at heart. 
18) I AM WORTH IT! 


    Am i conceited? NO WAY!
    Am i learning who i am & how to love myself? DEFINITELY!

Am I a goober? 

OF COURSE!

Did i successfully Graduate High School?
 

INDEED!

Do I love & look up to my sisters?

very much so!

Am I happy?

Absolutely!

Am I Beautiful?

MOST DEFINITELY!!

Am I good enough? Am I worth it?

He KNOWS I am. & I trust Him! :)
So the answer is a resounding YES! :)

Well, those are my thoughts for now. thanks for reading! :) 

Peace :)

Happy Late Birthday Mom!!

I love you Mom!! Happy SUPER late birthday!! :)

Broken :(

Well... i am broken. im broken bad. My collar bone... yea its in pieces... no biggie... i just tried to be cool like Robbie Jensen... i felt like i had something to prove... see Robbie has this awesome ability to do anything perfectly the first time he tries... for example.... riding a ripstick. it took me WEEKS to be able to ride that thing around and not crash. it took me weeks til i could go up & down hills (smallish ones) dodge kids and toys and turn in circles... pretty much it took me weeks to awesome & gain my sweet ripstick skills. well... not Robbie. He jumps on it with a little instruction from me and BOOM instantly hes riding around like a PRO!! Hes doing in mere moments what took me weeks! Well, the 2nd time Robbie hopped on my ripstick he goes down the big black hill of death. which is a very big steep hill in the court that leads to to others. & Robbie just flies down it with no problem hopped off at the grass & did it several more times... well I just couldnt have Robbie steal my thunder... thats just not acceptable...so it was up to me to prove that after about 2 months of riding i could do anything he could do & i could do it better!! So i had decided... the time had come. I had thought about going down this Hill before but was just building up my courage. Well after Robbies little stunt i knew i needed to do it & soon, So I talked to Chris & said i wanted to go down it. well he had this ingenius idea to "wait til tomorrow & ill record it so we can send it to funniest home videos & youtube when you biff it" well i wonder if he is a psychic. he could probly make good money being one. anyways, i wait til tomorrow evening. its around 7pm. well Chris isnt around. & i wanna do it. So, i grab my camera & ask my friend Sarah (Robbies wife) to record it for me. & she did. enjoy this video of my pain.

Well, obviously,  i do it. i go (more like fly i was going so fast) down that hill. well ya see ripsticks dont have breaks.so how i usually get off is by steering into the grass & hop off. well at that speed there was NO time to just hop off... i hit the grass& went flying. landed right on my shoulder heard a snap and did a flip or 2. then didnt move.  until Sarah walked down the hill to see if im ok. i sit up & Sarah  gets down to me & can tell im trying really hard not to cry & our conversation goes like this...
Sarah: are you ok?
me: i dont know
Sarah: do i need to go get Chris?
me: i dont know


Sarah: are you ok?
me: i dont know
Sarah: do i need to go get Chris?
me: i dont know
Sarah: im gonna go get Chris.


So she leaves to go get my big brother. & the next thing i know i see Essie bookin' it down the hill towards me. & She being her awesome self is a athletic trainer in sports injuries or something like that.... so she checks out my shoulder. well Holly walks down with Henry a few seconds later. She also checks it out being a massage therapist & knowing about the body & whatnot. They conclude that they think it is most likely broken. So Essie & Holly put me in a sling they made out of a blanket, gimme some ice & a 800mg ibprofen. about a half hour later Chris gets home & takes me to the doctor. well its definitely VERY broken... it now looks like this...

My X-Ray :)

So after we leave the doctors,  we go to smiths & get my prescriptions for my pain meds filled :) yay! :) & so i go & show Essie, Sarah, Kate, & Lorie the x-ray. Yea Sarah just laughs at me. and then laughs some more. She fond it very amusing that i broke my collar bone in half. Glad i could make your day Sarah. haha... :)


So it was decided that i was to return to Shelley for surgery & to recover. So I left the beautiful Salt Lake, my family, the friends i had made, and my job. it wasnt all bad tho. yea i missed them... but all i can say is im glad i live in the 21st century with skype, email, facebook, phone calls, and texting. so keeping contact was pretty easy. :) Shelley is a sweet little town. :) it was nice & a little weird being back. but it was fun being back & seeing everyone. :) i came home on a wednesday. had a appointment with Docto Biddulph on Monday. and went into surgery on thursday. i had made my decision to go with surgery and felt good about it. i just had a feeling i needed to do it, and well i was right. it was the right decision for me because my muscle was trying to cause problems for me. my muscle had placed itself in between the two pieces of my bone. had i not had surgery it wouldve caused an even bigger problem for me. so its a good thing i know how to listen. :)   but just because i felt good about it doesnt mean i wasnt scared. it was my first one & as i was being prepared for it... yea i was nervous...VERY nervous. as they were about to wheel me off on the gurney, after stabbing me with needles & drawing on my body & putting me in a funky gown, hairnet & weird socks, & everything else they did... i was about to say NEVERMIND! it was kinda scary for me. but i survived. :) and i have survived the following weeks... although a bit unhappily. grrrr i have not been allowed to do ANYTHING!!! it been driving me CRAZY! i cant ride horses, my ripstick, i cant climb, run, jump on the tramp, i cant do ANYTHING that involves physical contact or the possibility of me falling. which has been VERY hard for me. but im down to 1 week from today :) whoo whoo!! in 1 week i can ride horses again. in 1 week i can ride my ripstick again. :) yea-ya!! :) anyways... thats been my adventures of my first broken bone! haha i dont think im gonna break anything else... i wouldnt call it fun... haha but i do have a wicked cool scar!! & you can the screws though my skin... yea its a gross cool!! haha


on a side note.... if you want to make your mom & doctor mad at you... ride a ripstick 6 days after surgery that was performed to fix a bone that was broken because of a ripstick... they both get quite angry... just sayin....


Peace :)